A Stuffed Piggy For Christmas
by Kappy
Summary: Zim and Dib both find ways of either getting world domination or saving it, guess who wants what.


a/n: Well, this is my first Invader Zim fan fiction. I don't own Invader Zim hence the word FAN fiction. So, read and review! Yay.  
  
A Stuffed Piggy for Christmas  
  
  
"Gah! There's only about five more minutes of skool left until Christmas break!!!" cried a child from a seat behind Dib.  
  
"Who said that?" asked Mrs. Bitters, slithering from behind her desk.  
  
The class hushed and looked towards the culprit; the child's eyes widening in fear of what he said wrong.  
  
"I think it was Dib," said the boy, pointing at Dib in front of him.  
  
Mrs. Bidders growled and whipped across the room and looked down threatening at Dib, her whiskers bristling.  
  
"You DO NOT say "Christmas Break" any more, Dib. It's called Winter Break. Are you that dimwitted to not know that there are other holidays than the pathetic ones you believe in?" Mrs. Bidders said in a scratchy voice.  
  
Dib looked up at Mrs. Bidders trying to decide on whether to deny his saying "Christmas Break" or to just say he was sorry. The glowing red orbs of her eyes made him choose the former.  
  
"I'm sorry, my tongue slipped. I was just so used to saying Christmas Break…" whimpered Dib, knowing he was in trouble.  
  
Mrs. Bidders leaned down until she was eye level with Dib, "Don't do it again," she said in the lowest, coldest voice Dib heard her use.  
  
Dib gulped and nodded. Mrs. Bidders glided back to the comfort of her desk and sat down, clasping her long, arthritic ridden hands together.  
  
"Now, skool is almost over so…Ha-….Hap-….Happy Holidays!" Mrs. Bidders finally got out with a gasp. "I hate skool rules on being so nice to the children, in my day-"  
  
The bell finally rung, getting the children out of another tale of woe of Mrs. Bidders horrible child hood.  
  
Children ran out of their seats, running for the door, some running and jumping out through the windows, all except Dib. He quietly stood up from his desk and solemnly walked out of the class. Zim noticed the lack of vigor Dib usually had after skool, always ranting on and on about how he would show Zim to the world with his new and improved gadget that would help him follow through with the plan.  
  
Dib walked out of the skool and walked towards his house, Gaz walking slightly in front of him playing her Game Slave.  
  
Zim watched them turn a corner, wondering what was wrong with Dib. Zim shook his head and marched towards his home.  
  
  
"Master! I'm so happy, you get so much time off to spend with me with skool being off and all!" screamed an energetic little robot with cerulean eyes.  
  
"Shut up GIR, I will be spending most of my time in my lab," said Zim as he walked towards the kitchen.  
  
GIR whimpered, its eyes filling with water from unknown sources, "But what about Christmas?"  
  
Zim twirled around, looking down harshly at the little robot, "What?! What is this 'Christmas' you speak of?"  
  
"Oh! Well first there's this tree that you chop down and take it inside your house? Then you put colorful lights on it and stuff and put presents under it that this big fat guy named Santy Claus puts under it and he comes down the chimney and stuff! Do WE have a chimney for Santy Claus to come down, master? I hope so, I'm whishing for a piggy that has a big black spot on it's back, that would be so cool!" said GIR not taking a break in his explanation.  
  
Zim looked at GIR squinty eyed, "Who is this…Santy Claus…he might be a threat to my mission."  
  
"Oh no! He's a good elf thing and he gives you presents! What could he do that would hurt us, I don't think he would, he's good!" said GIR, afraid Zim might do something to the fat bowl of jelly.  
  
"I don't know GIR, we should be careful, I don't trust these human elf stink things," said Zim tapping his chin with his leather clad fingers.   
  
GIR ran out of the kitchen and yelled at the top of its lungs, "I'm going to go make a Christmas list now!"  
  
Zim looked after the small robot wondering about this "Santy Claus."  
  
"Computer, take me down to my lab," said Zim standing on the toilet.  
  
"Now, the last thing I have to get is the hat…"said Dib with a hint of a giggle, "This is the best idea I've come up with so far! It will be so easy to get into Zim's house with this costume on…Muahahahahahahaha-"  
  
"DIB! Shut up or I'll come in there and you will wish you were never born," screamed Gaz from her room.  
  
Dib slouched over from his deflated maniacal laugh. Dib looked over the red and white costume; it was so perfect. The little "dog" would obviously let "Old Saint Nick" in, with his bag of "goodies" rustling behind his "back".  
  
Dib rubbed his hands together, "This will be the best Christmas I'll ever have."  
  
  
Zim looked at the writing on the computer screen. It glowed a faint red onto his lime skin as the words reflected on his eyes.  
  
"This 'Christmas' thing seems pathetic. I don't understand the meaning of it. Peace, Love, Harmony? That's everything Irkens are against! And that Santa Claus, he seems to be a major part of this holiday. He must be a very powerful…person…WAIT!" screamed Zim as he came up with a brilliant plan, "What if I get this Santa Claus, what if I take him prisoner? What will the people of earth do without their needed savior? They will have to bend down before me, make me their ruler! And after all of the earth is mine, I will kill Santa, and they will do nothing about it…it's perfect," said Zim rubbing his hands together, "This will be the best Christmas I'll ever have."  
  
  
GIR ran around the room in excitement. His telling Master of 'Christmas' was not a bad idea after all! A small bush stood in the corner of the living room, lamps of different shades of red, yellow, and orange decorating the bush. Ornaments of moose and pigs hung from branches of the bush. The lack of "stockings" was quickly fixed by GIR finding a pair of socks from his storage place in his chest area. The socks hung above a digital picture of a fire. A plate of MacMeaties' hamburgers and a glass of brainfreezy were delicately placed in the middle of the living room. Innocent enough.   
  
GIR ran around the weirdly decorated room some more with his Christmas List clutched inside its small metal hand.  
  
Suddenly, the small robot stopped and stood in the middle of the room solemnly. The little robot's chin began to tremble and asked in a meek voice, "What if I don't get what I want? What if I wasn't good enough for Santy to get me something?" The small robot's eyes widened in terror. "WHAT IF! AHHHHHHHH!" screamed the robot.  
  
Zim listened to GIR's upsetting remarks from the other room, "What if Santa Claus doesn't come to this house? Can he detect that I'm not a good person, let alone a human?" Zim worried about it, then an idea popped into his head.   
  
  
  
Dib huffed out a cold, wisp of cloudy air. He looked at the strange looking house before him, lamps protruding from the walls and roof, blinking on and off. A lighted message on the roof read, "GOOD, WELL BEHAVED HUMANS LIVE HERE!"  
  
"So that's how Zim supposes 'Santa' will get here, eh?" said Dib straitening his fake, white beard. "Well, they're in for a surprise!"  
  
Dib walked past the little lawn gnomes, which had little red Santa Claus hats on. Dib checked his costume and cleared his throat then ringed the doorbell.  
  
  
GIR's eyes widened. The doorbell was ringing. GIR ran to the front door and creaked the door open a few inches to see who was there.  
  
"Who's there?" asked GIR in his doggy costume.  
  
Clearing his throat, Dib said, "Ho, ho, ho, don't you know who I am little dog? I'm Santa Claus! I'm here to give you and Zim presents!"  
  
GIR slammed open the door, "Well come on in SANTY! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" yelled GIR as he ran around the room in circles.  
  
Dib/Santa Claus closed the door behind him. This was just too easy.  
  
"Now, little green dog, where's your master, Zim?" asked Dib, looking around for the easily persuaded alien.  
  
"I'm right here Santa," said Zim, leaning against the door frame of the kitchen. "Do you like the decorations?" he asked coolly.   
  
"Ho, ho, ho. Very much so," said Dib just as coolly, thinking about how cool he was because what he said rhymed.  
  
"I have heard a lot about you Santa and I hear tell you are a great and powerful being to this earth," said Zim, walking closer to Dib.  
  
"Yes, I suppose so," said Dib moving closer to Zim.  
  
Dib clutched his bright red sack behind his back, getting ready for his attack.  
  
Zim watched the Santa Claus; he didn't look like he did in the pictures. In fact, he looked nothing like Santa Claus other than the clothes, beard, and hat. And he didn't remember Santa ever having big, huge, round, glasses- uh oh.   
  
"Your time of doom is upon you ZIM!" screamed Dib as he reached into his bag and brought out the little box with a red button on it. He pushed it and the contraption unfolded into a huge robotic cage, capturing Zim within its belly.  
  
"COMPUTER! INTRUDER, SOUND INTRUDER ALERT!!!" screamed Zim at the top of his lungs.  
  
Dib laughed, "I knew about your little computer, Zim. And I made sure that that box was sound proof, muahahahahahahaha!" Dib said. "I can't believe I've caught you, finally! After all this time! Just can't believe…"  
  
GIR watched the fiasco with anticipation.  
  
"Santa? Am I going to get my piggy I asked for?" asked GIR still in the little dog suit.  
  
Dib turned around to see the little robot, his tail wagging.  
  
"Oh, I could never forget about you little one!" said Dib in an evil voice, as he pulled out another cage. He pushed the button and it entrapped the little robot.  
  
"Santa…was I a bad robot?" whimpered GIR as he started to cry.  
  
"Muahahahahahaha!" cried Dib, "I've done it! I am the best paranormalist EVER!"  
  
Zim watched his robot GIR cry. This Dib human was horrible!  
  
Dib looked around at the décor, "What bad taste you aliens have." Dib walked around the room until he looked down at the floor in front of him. "Ooooo, were these for Santa?" asked Dib, reaching down for the hamburgers and slurpy.  
  
Zim watched Dib reach down for the trap, eyes going wide.  
  
"Don't you know that you're supposed to give Sant-ahhhh!" screamed Dib. When he picked up the plate, a huge clear plastic tube came down and covered Dib.  
  
Both archrivals looked at each other. They were both trapped.  
  
  
"Doom, doom, dee dooom, dooom," screamed GIR as he ran around in his little area of the box.  
  
Dib had long since past found a way to get the sound proofing off of both boxes, so he'd be able to talk to Zim and the little dog about how to get out of the mess they got each other into.  
  
"I say, Dib, that you let us go, and we won't kill you," said Zim, trying to reason with the human, "How does that sound?"  
  
"I'd say the same thing only the other way around," said Dib, looking a bit cross. He was missing the Christmas Eve party his small family always had.  
  
Dib sighed, "Look, you know we're not going to get any where this way. Why don't we let each other out, I'll leave, and we never speak of it again?" said Dib, hoping Zim would accept.  
  
Zim thought over what that would mean. He had the human in his very clutches! But the human also had him, the great and powerful ZIM, in his. The Dib creature was right; there was no other way out of it.   
  
"Fine, Dib. Let both GIR and me go and I will let you go," said Zim.  
  
"Let me go first and I'll let you go after," said Dib.  
  
"Gah! We both don't trust each other enough to do either," said Zim, exasperated.   
  
"I'll let you two go!" cried GIR, walking out of the box.  
  
"But-you can't-how?!" asked Dib, he made sure it was impossible to get out without his authorization.  
  
"I just asked it to," said GIR.  
  
Dib looked at GIR.  
  
GIR looked at Dib.  
  
"Ok, fine, whatever," said Dib, "Just get me out of here!"  
  
"Alright, leave," said Zim, pointing towards the front door, "I'm still expecting Santa here tonight and I don't want you to ruin this great achievement for me."  
  
Dib looked at Zim and laughed, "You really are an alien! Every kid by this age knows that Santa isn't real!" Dib laughed his way out of the house.  
  
Zim looked on at Dib, crestfallen. His plan…brought to shatters by a mere human fairy tale.  
  
"…Master?" asked GIR, a little quietly.  
  
"Yes, GIR?" said Zim, closing the front door.  
  
"What Dib said…it isn't true is it?" asked GIR, looking at his master.  
  
Zim looked at GIR. He saw the worried look in GIR's eyes.  
  
"No, GIR, it isn't true. Santy Claus is very real, and he will come and give you your piggy like you asked for," said Zim looking down at his feet hopelessly.  
  
"YAY! I knew it was true! I can't wait until Santy comes and gives us presents!" cried GIR joyfully.  
  
Zim walked to the kitchen, knowing the disappointment will come in the morning for GIR.  
  
"Computer! Take me to the lab," said Zim.  
  
  
Dib started walking down the street with his sack behind his back.  
  
"None of my plans ever work! Why does this always happen to me?!" asked Dib, knowing the answer, "I'll never get what I want. Zim will always ruin my plans some way or another…"  
  
Dib stuck his hands in his pockets and noticed something.  
  
"What's this?" asked Dib pulling out the piece of paper, "GIR's Big Happy Christmas List, eh?"  
  
Dib read over the list and he cringed at the sick cuteness of it.  
  
  
  
Zim yawned. He sat up in his computer chair and read the digital computer clock, 8:35:17 a.m. Time to face the robot in the dog suit. Zim felt sort of bad for the small robot so, after a quick type into the computer, he made a stuffed pig with a black spot on it's back.  
  
"Computer, take me up to ground level," said Zim, hiding the piggy behind his back.  
  
As he was transported to the kitchen, he could hear screams from the small robot. What was going on?  
  
"GIR, what's wrong?!" asked Zim as he ran towards the living area. Zim gasped in amazement.  
  
"LOOK, master! PRESENTS!" screamed GIR as he looked through them all under the bush.  
  
"What's going on? Don't touch them GIR, they might be booby-trapped," said Zim, walking up to the bush, "I said don't-hey, look, there's one for me!"  
  
  
  
After all of the presents were ripped open, Zim gave GIR the little stuffed piggy he made for him.  
  
"Master! You shouldn't have," said GIR, hugging the uncomfortable Zim.  
  
"But, where did all of these presents come from?" asked Zim, shaking around his new Game Slave 3.0, something that Gaz human always was playing.   
  
"Santa, of course!" said GIR hugging his new stuffed piggy.  
  
"Oh..ya.." said Zim.   
  
"GIR! I must leave for a moment," said Zim placing his contacts and wig on.  
  
"Oh, master, don't leave now! I'm going to make eggnog!" said GIR racing to the kitchen.  
  
Zim was glad that he was leaving when he thought about GIR trying to make eggnog.  
  
  
  
Zim rang the doorbell of the normal human home.  
  
"Yes? Oh, it's you," said Dib starting to close the door.  
  
"Dib! Wait, I just wanted to…. wish you a merry Christmas, and thank you for what you did," said Zim putting his hand out for a shake.  
  
"I'm not going to fall for your tricks again, Zim. What do you think I am, stupid?" asked Dib.   
  
Zim pulled away his hand, "Fine, but because of what you've done for me and my…pet…I will promise you that I will not work on world domination for one month," said Zim walking back from the front steps.  
  
"I still don't know what you're talking about," said Dib closing the door.  
  
Dib walked back to the living room where his sister sat playing her vintage hand held video game.  
  
"Where's your stuff?" asked Gaz, not looking up from her game. She only had one level left.  
  
"I…have it up in my room," said Dib.  
  
"Yeah, sure," said Gaz.  
  
Dib walked up the stairs to his room with a small smile on his face.  
  
"Merry Christmas Zim." 


End file.
